just a few weeks ago (Easter Sunday) marked the year anniversary of the day I put in my notice at my townhouse of 7 years in Studio City.. Letting Go
10 months of #GypsyMode
10 months of not having a physical address of my own.
10 months of having the majority of the little possessions I have left in storage.
Many people when they hear my story think it’s incredible and awesome, to have survived 11 months floating around the US from job to job, houses, apartments, hotels and such. But more than likely, they typically end with something like.. "I don’t know how you’re not exhausted."
Truth is.. I am exhausted. Very much so.
In my last update Month 8 I had just arrived in Nashville, Tennessee.
Nashville in one word was peaceful.
In 2 words was peaceful and amazing.
Me and my Kitty, moved into a beautiful room with the most comfortable bed ever, at my friend Marilyn’s beautiful house on an acre of land in Brentwood, Tennessee just outside of Nashville. I was there as temporary live-in child care, for her 3 sons age 2, 4, and 10, until their full-time au pere arrived.
I had such a nice time with her 3 sons during the weekdays, mostly dropping off and picking up from school, and spending time at the local play-bounce-climb-type houses with the little one. It felt nice to have a routine, and on the nights and weekends I spent a lot of time at the ymca, going to yoga and pilates classes.
I even met a Reiki Master/ Kundalini teacher and took her weekend Reiki Certification Level 1 & 2 Classes, and am now officially a certified Reiki practicioner.
I got to spend quality time with Marilyn,
as well as my friend Michelle who just moved from LA,
and quality time with my friend Kendra, who moved from LA a few years back.
I felt grounded and stable and peaceful.
I met with an agent there who is interested in repping me for tv and film work in Nashville and the South East part of the country, and I even went out on a date or two.
I made a new friend, Laura, at the reiki workshop, and the two of us took a 24 hour trip to Atlanta for a Kirtan event with Krishna Das.
It was a pretty awesome month.
So why am I back in LA?
Mainly because the panel I had pitched to Wonder Con was accepted, and happening on March 30th,
and also because, my car, my other kitty, and all of my belongings are here, and a friend just happened to be going to Australia, and invited me to stay at her gorgeous apt in Westwood, CA and pet sit for her, during the exact time-frame I was planning on being here… and because… I’m not sure where else to go.
But yet, I feel like I’m just doing the same things over and over.
I still have dreams of being a successful working film actress, both on-camera and voice over, and I still know in my heart, that I’m an amazing host/interviewer and belong on our music related show or something inspirational ala Oprah style…… so back to LA it is… but…
I have to be honest… outside of the Wonder Con Panel,
which was freakin’ incredible, scary, exhilarating, and inspiring Read More Here, LA hasn’t been so kind to me this month.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone roller-skating with friends, I’ve attended the red carpet for Ladies & Gents, and I’ve spent time with the Ms In The Biz Contributors
But yet… I’m feeling the same old pangs of loneliness. Not having a best-friend here, or a romantic interest, or a business partner to spend time with, or someone to bounce ideas off and create things with…
Friends that you thought you’d spend time with, but now, don’t have time for you. Projects that you thought we’re close to happening, but once again are delayed.
I feel isolated. I feel out of the loop. I feel like I’m back in that hamster wheel, spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.
A month in LA, and my bank account has been wiped dry..
Just a few hours ago, I was 10 minutes late getting back to my car from a nice leisurely walk to a business lunch, and just as I rounded the bend, I spotted my car on a tow truck about to be towed away. It cost me $232 to get my car released, and they still left a $93 ticket on the window.
That $300 walk, just wiped me out, with no paychecks in sight for 3 weeks.
And speaking of paychecks, I’m managing a promo gig on the weekends this month, and I’m just not feeling it. It’s hard work. It’s below my intelligence level and it’s not in the entertainment industry.
I’ve struggled and fought so hard to live this non-traditional 9-5 lifestyle so that I could enjoy my life, and live a creative life in the entertainment industry. Right now, I’m not doing either.
This has been an incredible year of growth. It really is amazing that I’ve spent 10 months “on the road” and have only paid rent once, in my month in manhattan (www.adventuresinnewyork.tumblr.com) but now what?
HOW DOES IT GET BETTER THAN THIS?
I’m excited to be writing for Helenna’s fantastic new online mag/blog http://www.msinthebiz.com , I’m excited for a few projects on the horizon, one having to do with vampires, and one being an animated cartoon!
I want more than this for my life. There has to be more.
I want to feel stable. I want to have my own home again.
I want to unpack my suitcases for more than a few weeks at a time.
I want to get my cherished memories out of storage.
And most importantly, I want to be able to sustain a $300 fine/ticket, without it wiping me out..
My birthday is in a few weeks.
My birthday last year, was the day I moved out of my townhouse and gave it up to the universe….
What I want more than anything for my birthday, the last one in my 30’s is to stop running so much, to stop working so hard with nothing to show for it… to truly feel like I belong, and have a nice, spacious, sunshiney place of my own to call home for me and my kitties.
A sexy, productive, passionate, man by my side would be the icing on the cake.
I want to WORK in my chosen field. I want to act in films. I want to voice amazing cartoon characters for animated shows and films. I want to be a host and a public speaker.
And I want to make a difference in this world.. something bigger than just me.
It has been a blessing to be able to just let go of it all, and travel where the wind takes me like Mary Poppins, but I want more. I am capable of so much more, so much love, so much creativity, so much to give back.
How, what, where, why… where do we go now?
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”